Normalized Dysfunction: Why We Blame and What We’re Really Avoiding

Blame feels like control. Like relief. Like proof that it wasn’t us.

But it’s not truth, it’s a placeholder. Blame is what we reach for when we don’t want to face the deeper disruption under the surface.

Because the real root of blame... is avoidance. Avoidance of self. Avoidance of pain. Avoidance of the truth that would require us to feel something we’ve spent years trying not to.

The truth is: dysfunction becomes normal when the pain it protects us from feels unbearable to face. So instead, we point fingers. We justify. We uphold distorted dynamics. We pretend. We perform. Because actually stopping to feel what’s underneath? That would crack everything open.

And what’s underneath is usually this:

1. We haven’t admitted what actually hurt. That we felt ignored, betrayed, unimportant, unseen. That those moments meant something to us and about us. But no one around us made space for that. So we didn’t either.

    

2. We’ve trained ourselves to avoid conflict to "keep the peace." Not because we’re evolved. But because we’re scared. Of disruption. Of rejection. Of being too much.

    

3. We don’t want to admit how deeply unhappy we feel. Because naming it would mean facing it. And if we face it, we might have to change something.

    

4. We don’t want to take responsibility because we don’t want to do something different. So we maintain the distortion. We uphold dynamics we secretly resent. We shape-shift. We suppress. We pretend it’s fine.

    

And over time, that distortion becomes a foundation. We build our lives upon it. Our identity from it. Our relationships around it.

Until the idea of facing the truth feels like burning everything down. Because it kind of would. Not everything. But the illusion we built to survive.

This is how normalized dysfunction works: It hides in plain sight. It masquerades as maturity. It mimics stability. But it drains us. It distorts us. And it keeps us from actually living.

We blame to avoid the pain of seeing how long we’ve stayed in something that doesn't fit. We blame because it buys us time. But it doesn't buy us peace.

And peace only begins when we’re willing to be honest: Not just with what hurt. But with how we adapted.

Because the truth is, our adaptations kept us safe. But they were never meant to be permanent.

Blame is temporary relief. Responsibility is permanent power.

And the moment we stop blaming is the moment we start reclaiming. Not to shame ourselves. But to actually meet ourselves.

And from there, we can choose something real.

From Dysfunction to Design: Rebuilding from Self

Once we name the distortion, we have a choice: To keep living by it. Or to dismantle it, layer by layer, and build something honest in its place.

This is the beginning of self-sourcing.

It means: instead of outsourcing meaning, validation, or permission, we start generating it from within. We decide what matters. We choose how to respond. We define what safety feels like now.

And slowly, we stop building around the wound. We stop shaping our lives around old pain. We stop performing for a reality we’ve outgrown.

Dismantling the pattern doesn’t happen all at once. It starts by catching the moment we’re about to repeat it. By pausing before the people-pleasing. By naming the resentment we always swallow. By feeling the fear without obeying it.

These moments are where power begins to shift.

And over time, we rebuild a foundation from self:

• A life rooted in what we now know to be true.

• Choices made from clarity, not compulsion.

• Relationships that reflect who we are now, not who we were in survival.

We are the ones that give new meaning to what we once couldn’t face. We are the ones that reclaim the narrative.

And this is how we rewrite history: Not by pretending the pain didn’t happen. But by using our awareness to create something more aligned.

This is the shift from story to structure. From survival to creation. From pain to power.

And it starts the moment we decide: We will no longer abandon ourselves to stay in what no longer fits.

Reclamation Is a Living Practice

We are willing to look. To feel. To pull it all through the body and transform from the inside out.

We no longer stand for the silence and unspoken words, thoughts, feelings, emotions that kept the roots of pain and distortion alive. We no longer feed those roots. And when we stop feeding them, they die.

That’s where real healing begins: in the quiet refusal to keep carrying what doesn’t serve our evolved self.

No one and no thing holds us captive to what once was. It’s only memory. And memory is malleable. It’s shaped by presence.

It’s transformed through the true nature of the living rhythm that we are.

The addiction we were born into, to pain, to approval, to abandonment, is burned in the fire. It’s released at a cellular level. Because we are this powerful.

The shame of what was never said, never given, never allowed, becomes the medicine we now give to ourselves.

We don’t suffer what was done to us forever. We choose to stop recreating it.

We aren’t powerless. We aren’t victims. We are powerful. And that power is built in the self-sourcing.

It’s built when we take full responsibility. When we choose from awareness. When we live from knowing how to do this for ourselves.

Shifting from external approval, permission, and acceptance is key. No one else needs to accept or agree with this. Only you do.

This is what ends the cycle. This is what rewrites the code. This is what it means to return to truth, and stay there.

The Origin of Rhythmic Being

Rhythmic Being was born from normalized dysfunction. It’s the place that talks about the things most people avoid. Because we know: When light is brought to the dark places, truth emerges. And that truth exposes the false narratives we’ve been living by.

The ones that shape our choices. The ones that distort our identity. The ones that keep us looping in a life that doesn’t feel like ours.

We don’t just name those patterns, we dismantle them.

This work is a return. To rhythm. To truth. To power.

This is where real life begins.

Closing Reflection

This isn’t about blame. It never was. It’s about power. And the moment we choose to stop performing for old systems, and instead build from the rhythm of what’s real inside us, we step into a life that no longer requires distortion to survive.

We don’t need permission to do this work. We don’t need anyone to understand it, validate it, or agree with it. Because we are the ones who live in these bodies. We are the ones who carry the past, and who get to rewrite the future.

If you’re ready to meet yourself in that truth, begin here:

 Reset Prompt: The Pattern Breaker

What if the moment you stopped defending your old story, was the moment your real life began?

What would change today if you no longer needed the past to justify the present?

What would you choose if you didn’t owe anyone an explanation?

What becomes possible when you stop asking for permission, and start building from the truth that’s already inside you?

This is your reset. This is the power of presence. This is the beginning of the life your nervous system never got to know, but finally gets to create.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If you're ready to dissolve the distortion at the root, not just talk about it, book a Rhythmic Reset Intensive.

This is a 90-minute 1:1 session where we work directly with the patterns in your body, the energy behind your choices, and the systems running beneath your awareness. We don’t manage symptoms. We shift the foundation.

If you’re ready to stop repeating what doesn’t work and finally live in rhythm with what’s real, this is for you.

Click here to book your Rhythmic Reset Intensive

 Robin Dinaso / The Rhythmic Being