A Distorted Relationship to Change: When Dysfunctional Patterns Get Rebranded

Change is glorified. It’s marketed as empowerment, sold through programs, and chased like freedom.

But most of what people call change isn’t change at all, it’s a performance. A loop. An effort to rearrange symptoms while leaving the internal system untouched.

This post confronts how distorted our relationship to change has become, why it keeps you spinning instead of evolving, and what it actually takes to shift—for real.

The Myth of Change

"I just need to change"

 No, you need to get honest about why you're performing 'better' while your body still feels unsafe.

What most people call “change” is compensatory behavior. Your system feels off, so you reach for a strategy, not from alignment, but from discomfort. You’re managing the unease, not transforming it.

The nervous system runs the show. And if it’s still wired for defense, no new action, identity, or goal will change that. It will all route through the same fear-based pattern.

You’re not evolving. You’re reinforcing what already controls you.

Real-Life Example:  Lisa is 38, recently divorced. She starts waking up at 5am for cold plunges, journaling, green smoothies. It looks like growth—but inside, she’s braced. Still afraid of stillness. She hasn’t changed—she’s just distracting herself with structure.

The Addiction to Effort

Effort feels righteous.  But, if its driven by panic, its not progress, it is control.

Effort gives you a hit—dopamine, distraction, and the illusion of stability. That hit becomes addictive. So you keep pushing, not because your system is ready to shift, but because stopping would mean facing what effort helped you avoid.

This is the loop most people get stuck in: working on themselves nonstop without ever addressing the part of them that won’t stop.

Real-Life Example:  Jason is a self-help junkie. Books, retreats, rituals, nonstop. But he’s never still. Never grounded. His system runs on adrenaline and identity. Stillness feels like failure to him. So he keeps moving and calls it healing. But it’s not. It’s fear wearing a mask.

Nervous System Loops

 If your system is wired for tension, every "new version" of you will carry the same survival energy.

The body protects first. So if you learned to feel secure through overwork, perfection, or emotional shutdown, you’ll repeat those strategies, no matter how much you want to change.

The system doesn’t shift through intention alone. It shifts through repetition and nervous system truth. Until your body knows it’s not under threat, it will keep looping the pattern that gave you control.

Real-Life Example: Elena changes jobs every year, calling it growth. But each role ends in burnout. Why? Because she’s still proving her worth by pushing past her limits. The environment changed. Her internal programming didn’t.

What Real Change Feels Like 

 Real change is disorienting.  It takes away who you thought you had to be, and forces you to stop running.

When the survival strategy finally breaks, your body doesn’t throw a party. It shakes. It panics. It freezes. Because the system is recalibrating.

And the space that opens up isn’t “freedom”—not right away. It’s raw. Quiet. Confronting. You’re not used to that much stillness without collapse. Not used to being that honest.

But this is where the pattern breaks. Not by force. But by choosing to stay with what’s real.

Real-Life Example: Sarah stops overgiving. She sets boundaries. And what follows isn’t peace, it’s fear. Guilt. Loneliness. Her system’s detoxing from identity addiction. From the role that gave her a sense of control. This isn’t failure. This is the shift.

How To Shift The Pattern

You dont need more information.  You need a different internal baseline.  One thats built not borrowed.

The Mechanics & Implementation

1. Interrupt the effort loop.
Catch yourself in the performance. Pause. Ask: What would happen if I didn’t try to fix this right now?
That’s where the shift begins, when you stop reaching and let the system speak.

2. Track what grounded actually feels like.
Ask: Can I sit here without moving, proving, fixing?
If not, don’t force more stillness, work with short, sharp resets. Let your body build a different signal over time.

3. Replace performance with structure that supports you.
Not for appearances. Not for biohacking. Just real, steady rhythm. Daily choices that strengthen your internal stability, not your image.

4. Let the old identity fall apart.
You don’t need to “stretch yourself thinner or hold more.” You need to drop the false role that’s draining your system of power. You need to stop being who survival taught you to be and rebuild from what’s actually true now.

Real-Life Integration Example: Drew was always “the strong one.” When he finally let that role go, he didn’t feel powerful—he felt exposed. Weak. But that wasn’t collapse. It was the beginning of a system that no longer needed to prove its worth.

In Closing

Most people aren’t changing. They’re managing their dysfunction with better language and shinier tools.
They’re rebranding survival, not ending it.

If your body still believes stress equals safety, nothing you build will hold. Not for long.

You don’t need to "get to" a new version of you. You need to retrain your system to stop gripping the old one.

Ask yourself: What would surface if I stopped performing change?
Can I stay long enough to face that?
That’s where it actually begins.

Robin Dinaso / The Rhythmic Being